Depression Talk

One of the most upsetting aspects to depression is that you feel a complete loss of control. Everything is the most horrible thing that ever happened in your life and you are incurable. This sense of being completely out of control is an illusion caused by depression, extreme stress or general anxiety disorder (GAD).

In 1937 (long before Prozac), Austrian doctor Abraham A, Low develpoed a method by which the patient could identify a true emergency from their symtpms. This eventually became called Recovery or “the Recovery Meathod”. He helped start an international organization called Recovery, Inc. (but is now called Revovery International).

There is some squabble over whether Dr. Low predated other cognitive-behavior therpaies. When his works were published, they were generally ignored by the psychatric community. Dr. Low was appreciated by his pateints, but not from his on peers.

Anyway, the group finally has a channel on YouTube. Here’s their first video:

Recovery (or RI) is NOT a substitute for doctors or medication. You will still suffer relapses every now and then, but that’s normal.

Basically, all you do is learn to take a deep breath and get some perscpective of everyday events that can really get under your skin. For example, say you’re convinced you can never be cured. That would be called “imagination on fire” — you really don’t have evidence that you can’t be cured. Then you know that you are exhibiting a symptom — the fear of not being curable — and your fears are not facts.

There’s a lot more to it than that. You’re encouraged to go to weekly or monthly meetings because it gets you out of the house and socializing with others as well as learning when to spot fears that you mistake as facts.

Also, just a quick announcement that in addition to Dealing With Headaches, I’ve taken on another 451 Press blog, YouTube Digger. I’ll try to keep the depression-related YouTube clips to this site, though. Well, I’ll try, anyway. I’m not promising anything.

If you glance on over to the right of this post, you’ll see the usual listing of categories most covered in the blog. A lot of them have pretty strange names. The ones that don’t were ones just recently added or were required categories by 451 Press (this blog’s host). I’ve only been the blogger for Depression Talk a short while and I’m struggling to understand how to interpet these categories.

No Knock Against Amanda

The categories were named by the previous blogger for Depression Talk, Amanda. She was a good writer and had her own unique blogging voice about she saw the world through the eyes of her depression attacks. She was terribly hard on herself, calling herself crazy, but that is typical of anyone with any type of depression. Heck, I do it to myself.

Let me make this perfectly clear — although I may eventually figure out to get rid of some of these category names, I’m not trying to insult Amanda. Readers of my other blogs like Dealing With Headaches know without a shadow of a doubt when I’m being insulting.

Why Am I Banging On About This?

People with any type of depression have a tendency to try to read between the lines and try to find hidden meanings to things. We keep turning a scene in our minds over and over, wondering what we’ve missed and if we were only like normal people, we could’ve spotted it by now. I do this, too.

So, if you find yourself wondering about the hidden meaning in a small detail change, like why the new blogger is changing or totally ignoring cateogies started by the older blogger, stop. Take a deep breath. This is a great time to recognize and spot a symptom of your depression, make a calm note of it and move on to something else.

Hope this helps.

I rode the Chestnut Thoroughbred on Friday morning, and it was everything I had hoped it would be. It was more, even, because I got to ride him in a ring and then I was given the opportunity to go for a hack with him and his owner. We had a lovely time, a lovely chat, and I really felt that I got a good opportunity to meet and understand the horse before making a decision.

He arrived at the Ranch house Sunday afternoon. His first hours here have been lovely: He seems to be getting along nicely. We had a lovely ride together and now he is tucked away in his new stall for the night.

I’ve heard people speak of passion in terms of dealing with anxiety issues and depression. If you can create something in your life that you have a passion for, the ick that exists seems easier to deal with.

I’ve always been an incredibly passionate person. I’m passionate about my music, about writing, about the people who are important players in my life. I suppose with all that to be passionate about, I probably shouldn’t feel like I want one more: But I do.

I am passionate about this horse, about me returning to the ring, about my big ol’ butt getting back in the saddle. Perhaps it can help to stave off The Crazy that much longer. If not?

It will certainly be worth its while regardless of whether I lose my mind again or not.

Depression, Fighting Depression, Horseback Riding, Equestrian, New Horse, Passion

I’m always scared to get involved with a new endeavour for a variety of reasons. The number one reason is heartbreak.

I become heartbroken very easily. I am hyper sensitive and can find myself curled up in the fetal position, weeping, because someone ate the last of the potato chips. I’m not sure if this relates to being a crazy person, or if I’m just really, really special; either way, heartbreak scares me. Mostly because all the booze it takes me to recover is so expensive.

I’m going to look at a horse this morning. My last horse broke my heart in many ways: Partly because I should have been more diligent with his training, and if I had been, perhaps I wouldn’t even need to look at a horse tomorrow. He also broke my heart because the day I met him, Christmas day, I fell completely head over heels in love with him. He was sweet and gentle, and nibbled on the palm of my hand. I groomed and tacked him and hopped on him and everything went perfectly on that first day.

We had a few more relatively successful rides together, and then, slowly but surely, all hell seemed to break loose. Perhaps he just wasn’t happy in his environment after having spent so much time in a professional stable on a race track. Perhaps he had a mood disorder, perhaps any number of things, but regardless: He got mean. He got scary. And he got dangerous. He had to go.

I had enough time to accept that he would be leaving, because his shift in personality was gradual. So I wasn’t that heartbroken the day he left.

My father has laid down the LAW with regards to the horse we’re looking at tomorrow. I AM NOT allowed to fall in love with this horse until after he has inspected it. He has to have good teeth, sound legs, be in good physical shape, not have heaves or foot cracks or any of a million other problems that horses can have. And then I have to make up my mind about him.

So here’s to trying not to put myself out there until we’ve seen and ridden the horse, because Lord knows if I see him in the stall, if he looks at me with big, Thoroughbred Chestnut Gelding eyes and sniffs my shoulders, I will fall in love with him immediately.

AND WE CAN’T HAVE ME FALLING IN LOVE WITH THOROUGHBRED CHESTNUT GELDINGS WHO HAVE CRACKED HOOVES.

Perhaps I should have my father take over my dating life as well?

Falling in Love, Thoroughbred Chestnut Gelding, Horse Shopping, Buying a Horse, Equestrian

Today I get to don my cap and gown, and walk across the stage. I’m graduating. Finally.

The fam and I are heading downtown early so that I can be dropped off to get my cap and gown and learn how to walk such that I don’t end up on my face, sprawled across the stage in front of the dean.

I’m thinking that large doses of Clonapin are in order, and if not that, then certainly a large pitcher of beer afterwards.

Graduation, Ceremony, Cap & Gown, Falling off the stage