Depression Talk

I haven’t been to a Recovery meeting in quite a while, but I do look over the literature every now and then. One of the key concepts is spotting. This is when you notice your symptoms of your mental illness and can recognize that you are not going insane, or the sky is not falling — you are just having symptoms. This all helps you to calm down and get a better perspecitive in how to handle daily activities (called “trivialities” in Recovery-speak).

An Example From Today

I have to always accompany my Mom when grocery shopping. She’s had several surgeries and just this autumn had two mini-strokes. I also think she likes to take me along so I feel useful.

Anyway, it’s hard for Mom to walk. This is one thing I’m still good at. So, if she forgets an item, I run back the seven asiles or so to get it while she carries on. So, she asked me to go check for curry paste and I did so, stopping to pick up a couple of items on the way.

And then I couldn’t find my Mom in the grocery store. There I was, 39 years old with two college degrees, holding onto a box of tea, a jar or tortilla chips and a jar of guacamole and I had lost my Mom. My thoughts started to whirl.

“My God — will I never grow up? Did Mom spontaneously combust? Is she on her way to the hospital while I rush up and down every asile over and over again? She has all of the money! I left my purse at home — !”

The panic began to build.

Imagination On Fire

Right, I took a breath, stayed still a moment and took stock of the situation. No one was acting abnormally, so that means Mom must be acting just like any other shopper and is not doing anything alarming. My imagination is on fire again.

Losing your mother in the grocery store when you are 39 years old is not dangerous. It’s embarassing, granted, but it’s not dangerous. I spotted a symptom of panic. It doesn’t mean that anything worth panicing over is actually going on.

Anyway, I finally found Mom and she said, “I saw you run by twice and tried to flag you down, but I’m too tired and thought I’d finally catch up to you when you ran out of steam.”

I got to keep the guacamole, chips and tea anyway. Never did find the curry paste.