I’ve landed a huge (and lucrative) assignment to do 664 biographies of Australian actors and actresses. (Yes, there are at least 664 of them). Doing the first lot, I’ve barely been able to scrape together passable yet mostly non-existant info on such Oz luminaries as Adam Cockburn, Aden Young, Alan Cassell and Alan Hopgood.

Now, the last one of that list, Alan Hopgood, is better known as a playwright than he is an actor. This scene I discovered on YouTube while trying to find information on Alan Hopgood’s childhood and schooling. It’s from one of his plays, “A Pill, A Pump and a Needle” which is about three women who suddenly come down with diabetes.

However, this scene is more about depression than it is about diabetes. Granted, the main character talking is not only going through Type 2 diabetes, but also menopause. The depression she describes was most likely triggered by her ill health and it may go away when she finishes her menopause and gets some control over her diabetes.

But it is still a good description of the lows you can hit when you are in a funk or (as I call them ) a jag. Hope you enjoy it:

Which leads to the next point of why a depressive may be reluctant to seek help. They may be convinced that any mental illness cannot be helped. “One nuts — always nuts!” They may also be convinced that their particular case is hopeless, so what’s the point of spending the time, energy and money seeking professional help?

The Point

The point is that there are no hopeless cases (as Dr. Abraham Low said). Also, just because you have depression does not mean you are doomed to be miserable 24/7 for the rest of your life. There are many options available to help relieve the suffering and eventually find some enjoyment in life again.

Having a mental illness like depression does not mean you have a major character flaw. It does not mean you have been cursed by God. It just means you have a mental illness. Any illness can be treated — whether it’s the symptoms or the root cause.

Riding the Wave

Depression is a great sea of frothing emotions. Getting treatment through medications, therapy and behaviorial changes can help you learn how to swim this sea. Although you can certainly feel exhaisted and think you will sink, you just need to try to relax and float.

So, metaphors aside, the answer is no — you won’t always be depressed. There wil be setbacks, but there will also be good times ahead.

Hope this helps.

Worst thing you can do.

Pain And Problems

After a couple of weeks, your body is used to receiving a certain level of that prescription drug every day. Your body will get very, very cranky if you suddenly switch off. The withdrawal symptoms might take a couple of days to kick in or a couple of hours.

Withdrawal symptoms from anitdepressants, anti-seizure medications and mood stabilizers include:

• Headaches or migraines
• Shakiness or tremors
• Sweating
• Insomnia
• Dizziness or balance problems
• Inability to concentrate
• A return of the depression symptoms you had before

So, Are You Stuck With The Meds For Life?

Not necessarily. Although some people (like me) will most likely be on Prozac until I croak (or until Western civilization implodes, whichever comes first), many people do not need to be. But that’s up for your body and your doctor to decide.

What you can do is either take a smaller dose of your medicine or gradually taper off. For example, I started at 40mg of Prozac per day in April of 2003 and now I’m on 20mg per day. At one point in 2007, I tried to take 10mg per day. However, that didn’t work out too well. I saw someone throwing part of a pizza in the trash and I thought about all of the homeless that would love to have that pizza and I burst out into tears. So, now I’m back on 20mg.

Concentrate of getting better before contemplating reducing medication.

But My Nerves Are Shot

So, why are my nerves more frayed than a tug toy after a session with a pack of Labrador retreivers? I’ve had three clients jerk me about by fooling with my payment. One client has paid and it was all a silly misunderstanding and that’s been resolved. (Thank you, client — you know who you are). But I still have two clients who owe me a combined total of nearly $1000 (US). (And you know who you are.)

One grand may not seem like much to some people, but for me it’s a hell of a lot. Especially since I used to be homeless and I’m not exactly eager to return to that condition.

Dangers of Self Medication

So, why am I confessing all of this? Besides to keep me from impaling my forehead with the computer keyboard? It’s to let any readers out there (both of you) know about the dangers of self-medication. For one thing, my depression has worsened. I don’t want to do anything except curl up with my dog and cry. But I only have one Endocet pill left and I’m saving that for March 31, in case my clients still haven’t paid up.

That, and it gives me a good excuse to stick this YouTube clip up of a somewhat decent rap song called “Self Medication Blues”. It does contain adult themes, so kids, make sure your parents are out of the room:

I guess my boyfriend should have been alarmed. About a year and a half later (still on Prozac) I realised what a bully he was and left him.
Moral of the story is: the meds work gradually.

Making the Best Use of Your Waiting Time

Medication alone can’t do all of the work to help you manage your depression. You also have to help the medicaine along by noticing your thoughts. Although it may sound twee, your thoughts can have a profound impact on how miserable you feel.

Begin to pay attention to all of the self-incriminating or downright insulting thoughts you have abut yourself. Even say “Stop” out loud to help you not only recognize how often you think badl of yourself, but to interrupt that train of thought.

When you have these thoughts, try thinking, “That’s just the depression talking. I’m just as good as anyone else!”

Other things you can do to help raise your self esteem in this time are:

• Taking a slow walk every day in sunlight
• Writing in a journal
• Listening to the problems of others (so you see that you aren’t so crazy)
• Clean something

Keeping yourself busy and not putting pressure on yourself for instant improvement will also help the medications work. If you feel even more depressed, however, contact your doctor or therapist immediately.

Am I Being Punished?

Perhaps it was my Protestant upbringing, perhaps it was watchign too many movies or perhaps it was my depression, but many times I think the reason that my relationships turned out so badly was because I never stayed true to my biggest love.

My biggest love happens to be Peter Gabriel. I fell for him when I was 16 and now I’m — a lot older. However, the big snag in my relationship with Peter is that he’s completely unaware of it. He’s also currently married to a woman younger, more attractive, more intelligent and more fertile than I am, so I don’t think I have much of a shot (not that I ever did. In between wives, he’s dated actresses, models and other singers).

But yet, I’ve still not stayed true to him. In one way, I’ve betrayed my greatest love, so is that why my relationships were always crap, because I was being punished.

This Is, Of Course, Nonsense

Even if I did manage to date Peter, I’d sure as hell screw it up somehow. That’s just the way I am. I like being single — and unchained by a relationship. So, I feel miserable in the spring when the hormones start rushing about my body, but it’ll pass. It always does.

46 years later, Nicholas Highes’ body was discovered in his Alaskan home. He’d hung himself. His surviving sister, Freida, who also suffers from depression, claims that Nicholas was battling depression at the time and apparently was the one to discover the body when she arrived for a visit to her brother. He never married and did not have children. He was a professor of “fisheries and ocean sciences”, with a real love for the outdoors and took up pottery as a hobby.

This Is What Depression Does To You

Although he kept very quiet and tried to stay away from the public eye and his parents’ fans, by all accounts Nicholas Hughes became a successful and highly respected fellow. But no matter how brilliant or logical you are, depression does have a way of making you unable to see your situation clearly.

So, if you know someone who has had depression in the past and yet seems all right, still check up on them from time to time. In depression, setbacks are inevitable. There isn’t just one overnight cure and then you’re free from it for the rest of your life.

Suicide Warning Signs

Indications that someone is thinking about sucide include:

• Giving away prized possessions
• Becoming more and more isolated
• Talking about death or dying
• Sudden weight loss or weight gain
• Not finding any joy in any activity, even those things the person usually loves

Why Horses?

I love all animals and a lot of bugs, too so I’m not entirely sure why my subsconcious has equated the suicide jumper with a horse. Perhaps because the stories I grew up with of wild horses refusing to eat or jumping over cliffs or shoving a muzzle into a bucket of water when in captivity. (I think the latter was featured in a cowboy poem called “The Mustang Bay”).

Perhaps my subconscious is using horses to make me pay attention. Either that, or it’s getting lazy and is just merging news stories and images like some sort of demented Photoshop.

That and maybe because I’ve survived several suicide attempts — although I’ve never jumped over any waterfall and I never had any attempt filmed and broadcast on international news.

Why Should I Care

If my subconscious is worried about this jumper, I wonder why it’s picked this fella. I hear about people dying all of the time and I’m like, “That’s terrible. Pass the popcorn.” Perhaps I’m getting soft in my old age. I’m starting to care about strangers again.

But the man didn’t want help. When he bobbed to the surface, he swam about 300 yards in the surface. Although he tried to loose his life in the jump, all he lost were his clothes. He avoided and fought all rescue attempts and was only rescued when he finally passed out in the water. Even then, a local helicopter operator had to hoover over the water and use the force of the whirling blades to push the struggling man to shore. He was rushed to hopsital to be treated for hypothermia and a head injury.

He jumped on 11 March and in that time I’ve been hoping to find some details on this guy. I have not found much of anything except for this NY Daily News post. Niagra Falls officials plan on not charging the man with anything, unlike the last guy to try to kill himself jumping over the falls and lived.

I guess he was not a happy bunny when he woke up. He’s probably furious that he was rescued. There’s nothing like recovering from a botched suicide attempt to watch what’s left of your pride and self-esteem fly out the window. Dude, I know what you’re going through (although I never went over Niagra.)

But, dude, your fortune is now made. Just get one of Octomom’s publicists to sell your story to the highest bidder and you’ll be set for life. (God — you’re not the father, are you?) But dude — it does get better from here. Trust me on this.

The Family Intervention Guide to Mental Illness: Recognizing Symptoms & Getting Treatment by Bodie Morey and Kim T. Muesser, Ph. D is written for both people who worry they may have a mental illness and for people living with someone with mental illness. As someone who is depressed and has lived with other mentally ill loved ones, I can honestly say that I wish this book had been written when I was a teenager.

Details

Information is written in an easy to understand manner and includes:

• How to recognize that someone is mentally ill
• The usual symptoms of more common mental illnesses like bipolar disorder and a breif discriptions of the different types of each particular disorder
• How to talk to someone about getting help
• How to help them or you find a doctor or therapist
• Scads of contact information and books for everything ranging from Alzheimer’s to eating disorders
• What NOT to say or do

Why I Really Like It

I like the fact that’s it’s co-written by people who have mental illnessesd and work with the mentally ill. I also really like that they discuss mental illness as just like any other medical condition, but don’t ignore the fact that discrimination against the mentally ill exists. It’s not a page-turner, but a good resource for anyone who suffers from depression.