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Forgiveness Is Not Always Right

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UnforgivableWhen you’re depressed over being victimized or abused, you often hear crap like “forgiveness is good for the soul” or “you’re creating a psychic chain between you and the one who hurt you.” This advice — although probably well meaning — winds up hurting a depressive all the more. This makes the victim feel guilty, which is the exact same tool abusers use in order to manipulate their victims.

Don’t Go Overboard

It is unhealthy when a victim constantly obsesses on how to get revenge upon an abuser. That definately needs intervention, if just to keep the victim out of jail. Life isn’t fair and you just have to accept it. Over time, the memories of pain and humiliation lessen.

Trying to get revenge on an abuser is like trying to get revenge on a tornado. Abusers are untouchable in the sense that they have no feelings for anyone other than themselves, so nothing you can do will affect them.

There are so many other things to do to occupy your time rather than obsess on revenge. These things will help your mental health and also help your loved ones who have to put up with you.

Forgiveness, Shmorgiveness

I have clinical depression and I have survived an abusive relationship. I will never forgive the man who abused me (and, who I discovered later, abused others). Quite franky, I hope he gets skinned alive — and even that would be too kind of a punishment for him.

He’s taken everything else away from me — but he’s not taking my forgiveness. And by staying ticked off at him, I can stay away from other abusers and help give support to other victims.

So, if someone urges you to forgive an abuser or murderer or whatever, ignore them. Anger is a tool — use it.


Posted in Dammit! on February 25th, 2009

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2 Responses to “Forgiveness Is Not Always Right”

  1. Depression Talk » Blog Archive » Forgiveness Is Not Always Right | Sad Celebs Says:
    February 26th, 2009 at 1:01 am

    [...] Go! without a doubt Share and Enjoy: [...]

  2. Cholesterol Machine Says:
    May 22nd, 2010 at 1:52 am

    Its so sad that we live in a cruel world like this. This kind of thing is a serious crime and is making us good guys look like criminals as well.

    If you’ve gone through something like this I’m so sorry, but realize there are still decent people out there who care.

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