Depression Talk

Not in that sense, no. (Although if you ask my Mom, my dog, my Dad, or my favorite uncle? Yes. Yes, I actually am that great.)

What’s great about my life right now is that I’m free from signs and symptoms of anxiety and depression. I’ve been getting out of bed in the morning, I’ve been doing productive things with my life. I haven’t been chain smoking in a dark room for hours on end, I haven’t been hiding in the comfort of my down duvet without seeing the light of day for days.

I’ve been just great. I haven’t even been having insane emotional reactions that involves threats of homicide, high pitched shrieking into the phone at my mother, or the impaling of myself upon large, sharp farm implements (Ok, Ok, I’ve never actually impaled myself on any large, sharp farm implements. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to impale the people who piss me off on those same implements.)

Sometimes I’d like to take all the credit for this incredible amount of normalcy that I feel each day. I’d like to tell myself, YES! You did it! You got happy again! You’ve finished school, you’re moving back Home, you’ve been productive at work, you’ve managed to not get fired, and clearly? This is ALL YOUR DOING!

I’d love to say that to myself every single day. The problem is, though, that I really can’t. There are others around me who helped tremendously the last time I felt that I was in my darkest hours: And of course, there are the drugs.

As someone with Insanity facing her on a regular basis, there is a lot more credit to go around than a pat on my own back can give. I’m one of the very, very lucky people in this world who has a whole network of friends and loving family members to count on when times get tough.

This is a main staple in the life of a crazy person: A Network. I have a built-in Network in my family and extended family. I also have a wonderful Network of friends. On top of that, I have on my side the man who is quite possibly The Best Doctor In The World. He is helpful, attentive, aware, concerned, and most of all, he makes fun of my Insanity with the same quirky sense of humor that I do.

And so, lately I have been giving myself pats on the back for doing so great. I celebrate my accomplishments and occaisonally, when no one is looking, I beam at myself in the mirror for doing so well.

But I also have to give credit where credit is due: To my Network. Without myself, I am nothing, and without my Network, I am lost.

Amanda