I Have Something Important To Say, I Just Don’t Know How To Say It…
I haven’t been posting much in the last few weeks, partly because I’m working close to seventy hours per week, and partly because I just don’t really know what to say. Its not that I’m at a loss for words, because I’m not… But at the end of the day, I’m just tired, sleepy, and cranky, causing all coherent phrases or sentences to leave my mind entirely.
Despite my insane working hours, I’ve been feeling great lately. I went through a period in mid-October hating my medication and the fact that I take it. As a result, my medication regime was sporadic at best. However, after a few days of brain shakes and queasiness, I straightened up and started back on my regular routine.
I don’t know why I struggle with medication like I do, but I do and I’m not sure what plan of action to make here. I’ve been toying, as usual, with the idea of living med-free again, but we all know where that leads: Sitting staring blankly at nothing, listening to bad country music and generally being a totally non-productive member of society.
I think that at this point, it is fair to say that I have done more than enough experimentation with a medication free lifestyle, and I know deep down that I need them to function like a sane and rational human being.
When I take my medication properly, everything is good but I spend my time despising the fact that I need pills to make the world go ’round. When I don’t take pills, I feel like ass, I look like ass, I act like ass, and everything is just generally a big old pile of ass.
So, I’m happy and doing well. Work is great, school is great, I’m being challenged in my professional and personal life just enough to keep me wanting more. But I’m doing it with the help of pharmaceuticals, and that is upsetting to me.
It is clearly time to put this issue to bed, to quit beating the dead horse, and to accept that I’m a better person when I deal with my medical issues the way they are supposed to be dealt with.
But how do I go about doing that?
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