Is life really what you make it?
I think that a recurring theme here has been that I have no idea when I should differentiate between being a crazy person and being a normal human being. I never want to be the type of person who has a run-of-the-mill bad day and ends up sobbing in bed, blaming my medical issues. And so, I have trouble knowing what should be taken as a medical problem and what should be taken as life.
The hard thing is that I can’t really pretend that I don’t have the issues that they do. I’m affected daily by my neuroses: Today my best friend was waiting forever in McDonald’s while I fastidiously washed, scrubbed, and completely air dried my hands. I can’t leave a public restroom with even a hint of moisture on my hands because I fear that remaining germs will end up multiplying in the moistness of my hands.
An event occurred today that was not really that big of a deal. It was the type of event that you expect to come into contact with in the country, the type of thing that happens on farms, the type of thing that you should really stop and say, Wow. That’s really too bad… And then you shake your head and you go on about your business.
Instead this event moved me to a state of hysteria; one of those states in which you can’t breath or speak; causing you to choke on your own saliva as it builds inside your mouth.
I’m not sure what to make of my reaction to this event today. I’m not sure if I should run out and find a shrink, or if I should focus more and more on working hard to become a person who is not so affected by her emotions that she ends up choking and gasping for breath.
Is life really what you make it? If I want to, can I avoid this type of outburst if I want to? Of course I want to: These things are upsetting for me and more upsetting for those around me. I think that right now, if I had ten minutes to prepare myself for an upsetting event, I might be fine.
The problem is that life never pauses for us ten minutes in advance, and never whispers in our ears to take several deep breaths before proceeding.
I’m not sure how to make those much-needed pauses happen without stopping the world altogether.
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:04 pm
I’ve always taken the saying “life is what you make it” to mean that you will get out of life what you put into it, and if you believe certain things in your life, and live in such a way as to promote this belief, then that will become your life (or reality).
So in your case, I don’t think it is a matter of avoiding things that you don’t want to happen and I don’t believe that things like this can be always avoided. There might be times, however, when you can avoid putting yourself into situations where you might be more likely to react in outbursts or other ways you don’t like. Again, I’m not sure if you will always be aware of all these situations but I’m sure there are situations that you know tend to produce more anxiety than not, and you could try to minimize, and if you can’t minimize, then come up with coping mechanisms ahead of time (if possible).
All of this to say, “life is what you make it” means that despite the bouts of hysteria, despite the incidents of OCD, despite the moments of depression, you can still look at your life and say “I will live a good life, I will be a good person, I will do this DESPITE the things that happen to me”. And that is how you make the best of life.
May 2nd, 2007 at 3:54 pm
I can’t believe I haven’t been stopping by here regularly since you started writing. I’ve just been super busy.
It sounds like what you’re looking for here are stronger healthy coping mechanisms for the difficulties that life throws at all of us. Those difficulties can hit those of us with psychological disorders 1,000 times harder than they hit those without.
Dealing with OCD and depression can require pretty different strategies, as maybe you already know. (I’m new here, remember.) I have both!
We’ll have to talk more.
May 3rd, 2007 at 5:11 am
I’ll say life is what you do with it.
Meditation is one way to stop the thinking -about-it and start- the -doing process.