Depression Talk

I think a lot about the things that could make me happy in this world. Sometimes I think that really spectacular things could make me happy, like owning my own farm, or owning my very own brand new Dodge Dakota quad cab. Or better yet, a stunningly wonderful husband who is rich and grand and who will bring me flowers every day, and who would buy me my farm and truck.

But those are such big things. Husbands are so time consuming. They come with demands for things like the preparation of food and the bearing of children. Ugh.

I was out shopping with my mother today, and we bought some new Gain fabric softener. It smells ever so nice, like thoughts of kittens and butterflies and cotton candy all wrapped up into one big wonderful scent. And every time I open my dresser drawers, all that will ever enter my head are thoughts of kittens and butterflies and cotton candy. And the detergent aisle of Wal-Mart.

Sometimes you have to focus on the little things. I recently went a little over three months where my entire wardrobe consisted of jogging pants, boxer shorts, sports bras, and oversized T-shirts. I bought this entire wardrobe and wore articles from it every day. I simply did not have the energy to deal with matters pertaining to clothing. Hell, I did not have the energy to get myself out of my bed. So on the days when I did have the energy to get out of bed, it was all I could do to put on something.

The first time I put on clothes after those three months led me to tears. I actually sat on my bedroom floor crying because once I had clothes on — the type of clothes that actually fit, and that consist of more than oversized sportswear you buy in the Men’s section at Old Navy — I was purely exhausted and I had no idea if I could make it beyond the front door or not.

I suppose that after having gone through periods like that in my life, I do have a greater understanding of the small things. Like pants. And fabric softener.

Tonight, while I danced with glee, while I shrieked about the wonder of Gain fabric softener, while I headed up the stairs to collect all fifty pairs of socks, my mother laughed. She called up to me “I suppose its a good thing that you can appreciate the small things in life.”

I have to say that I concur. Yes. Appreciating the small things.

That’s what its all about.

Small Things, Baby Steps, Clothes for Depression, Get out of bed, Appreciate the Small Things, Fabric Softener, Kittens