Rejection…
I have an intense fear of rejection. I’m cool with that.
I think one of the main reasons I’ve never tried to go anywhere with my music is a fear of rejection. My family and friends tell me I’m wonderful, and I’m glad because if they didn’t I would pack it in for good and never play again. The problem is that everyone’s family and friends have to tell them they’re wonderful. That’s just the rule.
My uncle in particular is very fond of my music, and frequently tells me to make more and more demo tapes to send to more and more companies. While it is nice that he has such faith in me, I just don’t think I can handle being told “Sorry, but you suck donkey balls and that screechy thing you’re doing to the microphone? STOP IT” at this point in my life. It would surely send me running for my oversized sweats (Not that there is much that doesn’t send me running for them) and weeping into my pillows for days.
In an attempt to preserve my mental health? I don’t take a lot of risks.
Well, the other day I got a package in the mail and at first I was sure it was a bomb from one of the dates I had last year who ended up being blog fodder. (Sorry, but if you bring your knitting on a date with me? You are blog fodder for YEARS. Suck it up.)
But, no. It was a package from a recording company sending me back the tape of mine that they didn’t want.
And you know, its one thing to be rejected when you ASK FOR IT. It is another matter entirely to be skipping merrily through life and then find out that you’ve been rejected without your knowledge.
Fortunately, since I had no time to prepare for this surprise rejection, I am simply making up my mind to ignore it altogether. THe power of denial is strong, and when my mind is made up to deny? The CIA would have trouble making me see eye to eye with the truth.
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