Sucide Attempts And Throwing Up
I’ve tried to commit suicide more times then I can remember. My last attempt was in April, 2003. It’s been over five years without the urge to die. That’s the longest gap I’ve had since childhood. I’ve tried to kill myself in different ways but all of them wound up the same — me on my hands and knees, throwing up.
So, if you are contemplating killing yourself ask yourself — how much do you like throwing up? There’s also that whole death thing, too, but let’s just stick with tangible elements here. If you’re going to try and commit suicide, especailly if you are a woman, chances are all you will do is wind up throwing up for hours on end.
Overdose Attempt
Sometime in 2001 (I can’t remember what month), I found four boxes of painkiller in the trash. They were massive. They looked like horse pills — combinations of opiods and paracetamol (acetominophen in the US). Now, I can’t even read the word “paracetamol” without my stomach rolling over. I naively assumed that by taking as many as I could, I’d fall asleep and die. It all made sense at the time, trust me.
No such luck. I wound up puking for 36 hours straight. And the guy who’s trash I’d gone through had found out and was really angry with me and threatened to call the police. Not that I cared at that point. I remember the only thing that distracted me from the pain was watching Air Force One with Harrison Ford, which for some reason was on TV. I know that movie gets panned (”Get off my plane!”), but I’m forever grateful that it was made.
The Lesson Here
When you are deeply depressed and life seems that it can’t get any worse, well, you’re wrong. Life certainly can get worse. You could spend 36 hours throwing up and thinking about how you are so stupid that you can’t even kill yourself.
And then, somehow, you will laugh. Take that laughter and hang on to it and then go get help. Things do get better. They don’t get better right away, but eventually they do.
November 21st, 2008 at 2:21 pm
[...] to Someone After A Failed Suicide Attempt by Rena Sherwood I’ve screwed up more suicide attempts than I care to admit, so I’m sadly more than qualified to write this article. If you’re [...]