The Things that Aren’t So Good…
I’ve been going through a breakup lately, one of those breakups where what you’ve broken up with is constantly on your mind.
I am a woman of many addictions and I worry about that aspect of my personality from time to time. That’s the reason I’ve never experimented with drugs, because I’m so sure that I would fall in love with the sensation and promptly find myself living under a bridge with nothing. I love food and cigarettes; I’ve been a caffeine feind since I was old enough to bike to the store and buy a bottle of Coke. The first time I smoked a cigarette I loved it so much that I never really looked back.
Beer and I have been close since my second year of university. I love nothing more than sitting down at the end of the day with an ice cold beer.
I don’t like to face reality very often, because typically reality is a very scary thing. This world is full of things like responsiblity and heartache and loved ones and life drama.
I’ve decided to face this life without my trusty, buzz-inducing companion for a period of time. I’ve arbitrarily chosen the number sixty-five, and so my grand plan as of now is to go sixty five days without consuming any form of alcoholic beverage.
Today is day twenty-one. I’m clear-headed and I’ve lost five pounds. My pants are looser and my bank account is happier. I’m not going to say that I don’t want an ice cold bottle in my hand right now, because I frequently do. But I feel like it is an important part of my journey through this life to deal with this love I have now, before it becomes something more. Addiction to dangerous substances scares me, which is part of the ongoing trouble I have accepting that I need medication daily. I’m scared of becoming addicted.
And so because I have a choice in the matter, because the beer is something that I don’t need and that isn’t good for me, I’ve decided to do away with the possibility of it becoming troublesome altogether.
And so my journey continues.
August 27th, 2007 at 6:56 pm
Three weeks!?!? Congratulations Amanda! I’m very proud of you!
For a long while I used alcohol as a blanket to keep me warm after my break up. I don’t believe I had a problem with it, but I did recognize what I was using it as and I decided to give my liver a break. I, like you, set an arbitrary number (47, my favorite number) and didn’t drink for 47 days. On day 48 I thought I’d have a drink to “celebrate” but then I just didn’t feel like it. hehehe
I know you will make it to 65 and hope that you can use your clear-headed loose-pantsedness (new word!) to find a different vice to indulge in. (Mine has been iced coffee lately! LOL)
*hugs*